This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
