how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
