My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
