Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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