Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
