im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
