I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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