She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We have started to decorate penises.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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