Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
