When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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