They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
