I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
