a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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