I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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