Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
