i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
