he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
