We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She told me I should be a condom model.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
