I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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