i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize