it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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