i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
