Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
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oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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