My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Redeem this text for a blowjob
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
