You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
