i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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