dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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