Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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