You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
