So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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