remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
