that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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