I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
did you just send me my own nude
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
