Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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