I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
