Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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