this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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