Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
pray to the hookup gods
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
