Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
