i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
