Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
