We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
