What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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