I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Drunk is not a location!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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