I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
