um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
