I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
