Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
