Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
