This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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