remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
