Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
