absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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