Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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