We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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