Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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