Non-Jews are for practice
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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