She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
