I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
