If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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