Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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