Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
