yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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